A word… A feeling… A concept that constantly baffles… Sometimes fleeting. Sometimes planted as firmly as a centuries old redwood. It is sand in our hands. And it is the rock that is as solid as anything we have ever felt. Our lives are at the mercy of this elusive beast… But our souls rest peacefully in the arms of this Angel that provides everlasting compassion.
I’ve often wondered why spiritual leaders aren’t more upfront about the pain that this journey can sometimes inflicts… Letting us know that they too occasionally struggle with the greater questions… That they, just like us, are searching for something that we can never truly know the answer to. Feel? Absolutely… To our very core… But truly know? Not possible. At least not while we are here. Instead they tend to focus only on the journey’s end and then giving that perfect “go to” response ~ “Have faith” ~ When, in all honest, just like us; they really don’t have a definitive answer.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve wanted to say, “Fuck faith” and throw in the towel and just believe there is no purpose for any of this crap we deal with on a daily basis and leave it at that. Then, soon after, sometimes days, sometimes weeks, sometimes months (but always when I stop feeling sorry for myself) I sense that warm breath of life that connects us all enter my lungs once again. And in that moment I am reminded that all of us struggle. And even the greatest of spiritual leaders is not immune. We all have shitty days where raising the middle finger to God seems incredibly easy… It is impossible to live in a world filled with people without getting angry or disillusioned. Why don’t we share this struggle more?
SIDEBAR: I want to make something perfectly clear here. I am not talking about the pity party thing. I’m talking about owning our grief or sadness or disillusionment to help open the door to a new perspective… Like a grown-up.
Why not reach out and let others know our faith has been shaken? To let someone else help guide us back to our center. Isn’t that why we’re here? Isn’t that the purpose of fellowship?